What’s on a man’s mind may very well be a catalyst for his total well being. While the list of the benefits of humanity’s oldest and most pleasurable pastime (Sex) is extensive; and most know the feel good benefits of sex while engaged in it. How many are aware and informed on the health benefits that go on long after the rubbing of wet bodies and the sweet bedroom talk. With all the drama and delusion around sex you’d be astonished to hear that many of our men are not thinking about sex every day.
According to sexual research by The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, 54% of men think about sex everyday or several times a day, 43% a few times per month or a few times per week and 4% less than once a month compared to only 19% of women who think of sex everyday or several times a day. The actual validity of these figures and sample of people of color is questionable, and for some even arguable. Yet, it is a springboard for cultural sexploration!
Are the distractions of daily living taking away from intimacy, relationships and our sexuality? I sought to understand if other men shared similar notions and what I got was much more than I asked for. Here are a few responses:
A native 45 year old Washingtonian, single father, raising his daughter said, “I am neither sexually detached nor dysfunctional and I pity the poor guys who are. I am a single man who has the option of having sex at any time with a very respectable, clean, aromatic and sexy woman who only has sex with me. My sex life is very healthy and often incredible.
A 60 something year old man from the Midwest shares his thoughts….. “I have been through so many stages with women I don’t know where to begin! For me the Dysfunction comes after the Detachment. Sex changes almost like music! I was looking to “court” a girl to the sweet music of Motown in the Sixties. Then it was finding your inner self spiritually to EWF in the Seventies. Then Disco came and you met women on the dance floor, in a club! For me, forget the Nineties for I was not impressed by Rap. I can count on two hands the artists that move me since then. So went my love life.
Expectations are often driven by where and under what circumstances you find yourself and that “special” other. Sex for me can be divided into two categories, Spiritual and Recreational! We rarely find that Spiritual Sex and quickly know when it is not present! That inevitably leads to Detachment for me. So in the absence of great Recreational Sex my path spirals to Dysfunction.”
Other men expressed that they did not fall in either category of sexual detachment or sexual dysfunction. A 48- year-old African American professional living in Hyattsville, Maryland said ….”The subject doesn’t apply to my personal or professional life. Working every day and interfacing with women on the job or at leisure time, I find it impossible to be “Too Busy” to have sex on my mind or be sexually absent minded of women. “ “This does not apply to me, sexual detachment or dysfunction. I have a healthy attitude toward women and sex. It’s a beautiful thing!!!
When asked if that attitude and his sex life were consistent from month to month, since some men have fluctuations, he responded…“Yes it is consistent, I feel that men’s attitude change if they feel they have been hurt in a relationship and take it out on all women as opposed to that particular person or relationship but more importantly what do we as men bring (baggage and a good look at ourselves) to the table by being honest and open.”
Sexual dysfunction can be a result of physical causes including diabetes, heart disease, neurological disorders, hormonal imbalances, drug and alcohol abuse, the side effects of certain medications and others. The psychological causes result from work-related stress, anxiety, marital or relationship problems, depression, pressure around sexual performance, feelings of guilt and the effects of past sexual trauma. In most cases sexual dysfunction results in sexual detachment.
Sexual energy is nourishment for total mind, body, heart and spirit. In the Taoist Tantric tradition the sexual energy is much more than the act of sex. It influences the health and aging of the body by affecting hormonal production. A profusion of sexual energy repairs hormonal disturbances, reduces cholesterol, and decreases blood pressure levels. When sex glands are stimulated it enhances the hormones secreted by the other major endocrine glands: adrenal, thyroid, thymus, pituitary and pineal.
Much evidence points to the link between harmonious sexual activity and the retardation of aging. Look at couples that are well and alive! Look closer and you’ll soon learn they are sexually happy. Many happy relationships or marriages are held together by a powerful and enduring sexual bond. So men you have nature’s prescription to have sweet sexual thoughts!
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