ymib.com - Daily Inspiration

You know sistas, I am

You know sistas, I am learning to adjust to this new phase in my life. Once a month, I participate in a Girls Night Out, I invite friends over, I am living my life, and I'm learning to appreciate missing my husband when he is gone, and I certainly love it when he's near. I love being married even though I want to smack him sometimes. I see that being a wife doesn't mean not being me. My husband is my other half.

"Don't let your focus change" ~~ E. Badu

Bless this house!

All these sistas comments have been great and even helpful to me! Please take the time to draw yourself a nice bath, have dinner parties with friends, or even just sit on the phone for hours with friends for time to time. And do go out of the house for some fresh air regularly!

I started out living with my love and now we have moved apart because we were/are not married and I was acting too much in the wife role for my liking. However, now that we live apart - I find myself longing for that unity that living together provided us and am having trouble getting back to my singluarity - while he is having no problem with it. I feel at times more needy that he, now, even though when we lived together - I was constantly on the move trying to branch out for myself and get from under him all the time... now I miss it.

I say all this to say that, living together is hard to do BUT also such a wonderful opportunity to unify efforts and unite closer with the one you love. Yes, you can go crazy if you feel like you are doing all the work and he is just living it up without helping out. BUT, at the same time, you should take pride in the fact that you are maintaining a wonderful house for your family... soon to be, if you are trying to conceive :)

There is nothing wrong with keeping house. Many a wondeful strong woman have done it - and I'm also speaking to myself in this - it's easy as an independant woman in today's society to feel like we MUST demand this and that and giving too much is weak or frowned apon. I think living with your husband and giving your all to make your family and home a wonderful place can be a job that we do with pride and joy. Hum spiritual tunes as you clean, put love into the meals you prepare, even feel happy paying the bills (happy you can afford to pay them! i sure do!) - pour love into your house.

Perhaps embracing your new surroundings and new arrangement will also help you in adjusting and remind you that this is YOUR life, YOUR marriage and YOUR family. It's a beautiful thing - take care to enjoy it.

Make it a great day!
*Ms.Lee

I can add nothing

Hi Gemgem3301:

All the lovely ladies who have made comments are right on target. I am actually going to go and re read them because I need for it to sink into me. I too have just been married after a 6 1/2 year on again off again relationship. My husband is trully my only true friend. I have many acqauintainces but he is the only one that I have told my deepest darkest secrets and still feel his unconditional love. But, right now after only 5 months of marriage I'm begining to feel like a failure at this thing because we still act like we are dating... I mean we are both still in university... I cook when I can...I do laundry when I can... I clean when I can
However, to me (lets keep that in mind) "when I can" is whenever I'm not studying or at work. So sometimes I feel like I"m the only one trying to make a home and he just want to play with his boys... but I have found a solution....
I have began taking advice that has been given to me. I remember ME! I remember that I WANT THE HOUSE CLEAN... so that is why I take my time to clean the house... I also listen to myself if I WANT TO GO OUT... then guess what I go out... I mean I Let him know but even though we are ONE in mind and vision... our daily lives are still TWO and for a while I let myself get depressed but I'm learning that even though we are one... I am still me... and because of this at times I am bound to be selfish or bound to be depressed.

Well,

Peace and blessings,
&
Happy new year

And the two shall be one.

Sista I don't know if you read the Bible or not but in Genesis 2:24 it reads: Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh. Isn't that just BEAUTIFUL! What this scripture has to do with you in my opinion is for you not to think about your life outside your marriage. Yes you are your own person with your special and unique talents and skills, but when you have free time, do those. When we marry we take on the responsibility as wife and sometimes mother, so you will find yourself doing things of course you haven't done when it was just yourself. Take these new "jobs" and make them your own! While the clothes are drying...paint! Husband and kids hungry...make a homemade international meal and have fun, make a theme, go Chinese and break out the chop sticks! Life doesn't have to be dull because you're married, bring the essence of who you are in the marriage 10 fold and let everyone get a taste of your happiness, gifts, and just bring it all to the table. SPICE up your life girl!! Yes, it's also very important to take some time to yourself, make sure you do that as often as you can. I'm sure your new hubby can hold down the fort for a couple of hours! Love you sis, good luck, and CONGRATULATIONS!!
Be Virtuous and Wise,
Shalom,
Sarah Ominah Zahab

don 't lose yourself

you are still you...God has given us each a personality trait that leads and guides us to our destiny...don't lose yourself...you can still be you...i have been married for 11 years...been with my husband for 21 years. I found myself losing myself....it's so easy...but you have to get it back...marriage is a lot of responsibility...it's not easy...and we need to start telling our children that getting married is not the answer to life's problems...you will not be rescued...it's hard work...forreal! Two people coming together from two totally different backgrounds...compromising...trying to make it work...and i see now why God is in the midst!! He prevents us from killing one another!!! :) forreal though....laugh...read...dance....find what you love to do and pursue it....try being the virtuous woman in psalms that everything we put our hands on..we prosper it and make it flourish!!!!!

Me time!

Everyone here has pointed you in the right direction sis, I know how you feel because my partner just moved in with me, and it's a transition at first, two lives joining into one. Just take days for yourself where you do exactly what you want. When he has a meeting or goes to visit friends, I like to go into the city and visit a museum, I can spend all day there. I look at art, have some lunch, do a little writing/drawing, and then come home rejuvenated within my own thoughts. Plus when you go out and do things and come home, you have so much more to talk about.
Also, what about a dance class? If there's a dance studio in your area, that's an amazing way to reconnect with yourself mind, body and spirit. It's beautiful to stretch, learn new movements and get in touch with what's really going on within.

Painting is as vital to me as the air I breathe

So true

I recall feeling the same way after my daughter was born. I felt as if my husband and my family and our home were consuming me and in many ways they were because I was allowing them too. I had to do a personal inventory and remind myself what made me happy and what I enjoyed outside of this beautiful, love-filled union. For some reason we (women) carry around this guilt about taking time for us, but I had to abort those feelings and get back in touch with me. This led to me going back to school and taking up a new hobby. (I learned how to knit). I needed that journey and I just may need it again.

I would encourage you to find some still time. Talk to yourself in the mirror. Journal as one sister already said. Take a long shower or a long bath and spend some time with yourself. Ask yourself what would make you happy. What's missing? You'll find the answer that you seek.

I can understand your

I can understand your concerns. I know personally that being a wife, a mother, home-schooling parents, and to venture in business can be more than a challenge to juggle. I would suggest that you find a few things that make you happy and incporporate them into your life in two different ways. One for the family, and one for yourself. For example: I love design, so I try to incorporate that interest into our home to maintain a nice atmosphere for my family, and then for "myself" I blog, or sketch ideas in my art/inspiration journals. I find that everything you do in life is intertwined and comes back full circle in some shape or form, so in my opinion, the things that you find yourself doing away from home..the things that you enjoy..will eventually find there way into being incporporated into your home in some shape or form, and will provide growth for you and your family. I think that is when you achieve true balance..when your everyday mundane tasks become apart of your creative rituals that you do for "self". I hope that made sense:) Also, sometimes, with being a home-maker, it can be difficult to get out and roam, so if you have a friend or even a circle of friends, then invite them over when your schedule may not allow for you to get out of the house.

Nevertheless, I would also agree with yeslioness..definitely have some alone time( I usually get mine in the wee hours after everyone is tucked in), plan a lunch with a friend, etc. It takes a lot of trials and errors, but as long as you share these feelings with not only yourself but with your hubby...you will each be able to continue being each others life coach in the world of marriage & you will each see each other grow as an individual as well as a family!

SoulLiving ~ Every Minute Counts

Singular Oneness...

I feel you sis, it's hard trying to balance being a wife & homemaker(job or no job). I myself really think it's important to be a "modern girl with an old fashion kind of loving" lol! But don't stress it because you are just laying down the groundwork now, it's all up to you. Just relax, and FEEL FREE. You are free to do WHATEVER you want to do.

Don't let yourself be burdened, you can do things like, go to Barnes & Noble by yourself and read a book. Go visit someone you have been meaning to see. Write in your journal, if you don't have one, get one, take up a new hobby etc. Go have lunch with a friend or hang out with one for a bit. It doesn't seem like you are defined by your relationship so don't CONFINE Yourself.

BE FREE GODDESS!
Yes Lioness