I am a 31 year old woman with a fulfilling career. Just over ten years ago while at university I lost my virginity in what I consider to be a traumatic episode. It was an alcohol-fuelled event and in the end my virginity was lost not to one but to three individuals; one of whom was I was 'seeing' at the time. I'm afraid I have never quite came to terms with this. I guess because of the alcohol-fuelled nature of things I am not sure where my willing participation ended and coercion began. I also didn't actually know what had happened until the rumours started. In an attempt to clarify things, I tried to contact the man I was 'seeing' but this was a futile effort. Having ruled out the short term potential problems i.e pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, I set out on a journey of redefining myself - most of this was tangible - my hair, my choice of friends, geographical location. I pursued unsuitable relationships (because they were easy to disengage from) and sabotaged relationships with very many good men. I guess I just couldn't handle putting myself in a vulnerable position ever again. I felt I had everything to lose. Unfortunately I never addressed the non-tangible side of things. I never sought counselling. For a while, the need for this was overshadowed by more pressing demands - the hectic social demands of university, the subsequent demanding nature of my chosen profession. Now I find myself at a less-hectic (& very lonely) stage of my life and I realise I haven't moved on at all. I also feel that I have left it too late. I am part of a small UK-based diaspora and the events that changed my life 10 years ago are a well known 'secret'. They got testosterone-inflated egos - I got labelled all sorts of unimaginable things. My careful avoidance tactics have ensured that I never bumped into any of these people since. However, recently the individual I was 'seeing' at the time tried to contact me. I asked him to leave me be in the politest of terms. Should I have encouraged dialogue? Was this my opportunity to finally get some sort of closure?

‹ Beginning my Second Half of Life Osun's Day ›