as the India.Arie song goes. I've been reading "How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together" by Susan Page, who turns out to be a minister in addition to being a marriage counselor. I bought the book after a particularly frustrating attempt to get my husband to see how important it is for us to work on fixing the craziness that is now our marriage. You know, to bridge the gulf between us, help us remember why we got married in the first place, and to some how get us back to closeness we once had. He suggested we go to counseling starting in September or October. September or October? But it's July, why are we waiting so long? Money, he says, even though he can get insurance through the company he works for, blah, blah, blah. I wanted to get a book on intimacy of a carnal nature that we could read or look at together, which in affect would bring us closer. Of course to cover up his discomfort, he acted silly and immature (which is typical of him when he is dealing with real emotional issues).

Right next to the kinky tantric sex books, I found the book I mentioned above. Again, this was one of those deeply profound moments. You know, when something you already know and have said to other people ( and yourself) countless times knocks you in the head in a clearer way. Instead of getting upset at my husband for being himself, I did the only thing I could do. Rely on myself. I can't control how he feels, acts, or thinks towards our marriage. I have to do my part to fix things and hopefully he meets me halfway.

Dr. Page's book has been helpful in that regard. It offers short-term and long term strategies, or in lay man's terms, behavioral and attitudinal changes, that one person in the relationship can make to affect changes in the relationship as a whole. The book is practical, straight forward, and it makes sense. One suggestion, "Let go of the fantasy of what you wish the relationship were like and let yourself enjoy the way it really is" (Page 174, now, for those of you who will undoubtedly find something wrong with that statement, please keep in mind that the book itself is almost 300 pgs so this quote is grossly out of context). Not anything new, just that I'm ready to hear it. I definitely recommend Page's book for anyone who wants to save a relationship in turmoil (barring any real emotional or physical abuse of course).

My husband and I still have a long way to go, but I'm not waiting on him anymore. I'm doing my part, making my contribution to mend what we both have broken. So far...