It is an overwhelming feeling to be in a space with sistahs that I may never see with my eyes that accept me, faults and all, there is no judging here, I am safe.
I am new to this loving of self, to overstanding, not settling for half truths and knowing that I deserve to strive and not just settle.
I believed I met the love of my life 11 years ago, we made plans, we had a son (Cairo). Our separate issues clogged the arteries of our relationship, he is now a father again to a little girl that I have never seen she is new to this world, my son is excited. I was told this news by my son, respect became a word and not an action and admittedly I cried. Cried because he had moved on but more because he had let go of believing in us.
I have reminded myself how to breathe many nights but I am happy to say that he is no longer the first thing on my mind, I have flashes of optimism and lashes of doubt, but my son has become my medicine, he reminds me that I am a queen, my heart beats on.
The thought that sits in the back of mind is this; I am afraid. I afraid that I will be alone for this lifetime. To some this may sound needy, but the thought of not having a personal person scares me. I still believe in love, it exists, I feel it, I breathe it. But my soul mate - I miss him. Loneliness drapes me and I am afraid that this will be the outcome of this journey.
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