So I've just had a major life change. The ex is no longer my roomate/live-in partner or whatever title you assign those who live with you. I'm happy about that, however he is not. Mind you that was the original agreement...He returned to my life in march of last year and has been paying rent at his place since november of last year. He keeps looking for reasons to blame me for this change, trying to make me address his internal struggles. I really don't care anymore. I hate to be that way because I feel thats part of my purpose in life...to care. I am a firm believe that I can care but not shoulder if that makes any sense. Right now I seriously don't give a damn. I do love him, but it seems like life without him presents more options than life with him. I agreed that we would converse today but I really don't have anything to say. I'm tired of the hamster wheel. Seven years without a favorable result leaves me with a sense of hopelessness, not dedication. That is the core of my feeling. I am no longer completely dedicated to him or our relationship. I love and care for him, but its not longer mandatory for me to make this work. Have I fallen out of love or have I been consumed by the vagueness of our relationship?
There is another. An old friend who has never been more than that. He wants to be but I'm not ready for another relationship at the moment. I just want to be. Live without responsibilty for anothers personal demons. The problem is he seems to have as many internal issues as the aforementioned dude. Walking but never reaching a destination. Concerns me because I fully believe in the law of attraction...are these men mirrors of my internal state of being? If so I am truly screwed up. I guess its up to me to change the reflection....shit..I'm so tired...
Here Here.. been there too.. in fcat I am where your at..
Tired of the excuses. One day your heart just kinda numbs up. You don't want to hear the reason why they haven't progressed etc, when you did provide support/tools. I love mine too, but its not enough, and thus I have to commend you to also making that choice to move forward, no matter what he does.
One step at a time.
P.s it is YOU manifesting or attracting them., as veryone comes into our lives bearinga gift. Good or Bad. It was/is an opportunity for you to grow, to decide who you want to be now in relation to that.
I wish you well .
P.s there is no hurry with the other brother. Love you always, and everything else will fall into place.
Be the change you want to see in the world ..Mahatma Gandhi
As women,
our natural role is that of mother. However, we cannot mother anyone until we have taken the time to love and nurture - basically, to mother - ourselves. All too often, we tend to equate caring for and loving another with trying to solve all of their life's problems...and making ourselves responsible for their happiness. While all relationships require work to grow, one person alone cannot carry a relationship...at least, not a healthy one anyway. And any relationship that drains you is definitely not healthy.
The fact that you no longer care is proof that you expended so much of your energy on this brotha, you're tired. Sistah, I commend you for finding the strength to walk away from this situation, even though you probably still love the brotha. Be open to all the lessons this situation is here to teach you. See this for what it is: an opportunity for your growth.
Bless,
Saarchi
I've So Been There
I know what you mean. I just had to coach my best friend out of this type of situation because she watched my last relationship unfold the same way. Usually we do wanna stay and help. Exspecially(?sp) if he told us about all of his problems that he would never tell another soul. So you stay, help out where you can, and work hard at understanding that change takes time. But then you gottah ask yourself is he really going to change and am I willing to stay here for that process. I was telling my gurl that you could give a person all the tools to make the changes they preach about making, tell them how to make the change, and allow time and support for the change, but if that person does not trully want to change or work on themselves, then you gottah let it go. The highest risk of wating for the "change" or "improvements" is losing yourself and piece of mind. Then you could look up and wonder where "you" went. So stay strong sistah and make sure to remember that you can not truely find your soul mate or "ying to yo yang" unless you truely know and love yourself.
Stay Beautiful Sis,
Qonjo