Attraction is an intriguing phenomenon. And when I say attraction I do not refer to the dogma of attraction, but rather the mechanics, the dynamics, the details and the dance of what happens during the complex interaction of mind, body and sometimes the spirit of two people.

You’re at a social gathering, engrossed in a conversation when suddenly you turn your head only to find your eyes locked into someone else’s gaze. A surge of energy surfaces from within you and your heart beats faster; your energy perks up and you begin to experience tingling sensations in your body. You’re sexually aroused! Characteristic? Hardly! Those moments are caused by an incredible chain of biological reactions that involves the hypothalamus, synthetic nervous system, and pituitary and adrenal glands which work together to release epinephrine – the chemical that makes you feel “turned on” as reminded by Charlotte Kasl in her book, “If The Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path”.


Underneath the drive to have a perfect career and job, to have and own your own home, to drive a fancy car, to live up to what ever it is you strive to live up to ( the superficial elements of modern day living) is the desire to mate, to reproduce. It would make sense then that sexual arousal is the ultimate pleasurable sensation so as to ensure procreation.

It’s no wonder that “falling in love” is such a dramatic experience that many are afraid of for fear of feeling yet another complex set of intense emotions that, on the contrary, may involve pain and suffering if it all falls apart. But it’s got to be one or the other. So which one would you rather experience? “Falling in love”; feeling the sadness and pain around not attempting love; or loosing when you try? Better to have loved than to have never ventured to love at all. It’s about feelings. About what makes you feel good inside! Living in fear of loving is certainly not a cozy space to be in.

Falling in love brings with it an intense biological process. We take a leave of absence from our neocortex- where explanation, contemplation and intellect lie – so that we can unwind in the pleasurable and delightful sensations of feelings and vulnerability. But this biological process has its shadows as we often mistake these sensations for love and start a relationship with no more intelligence then two flies.


A conscious relationship requires sexual chemistry and strong attraction for a lasting flame between two people. We simply can not diminish or ignore sexual fulfillment. Studies of long-term happy relationships consistently reveal couples that have a strong and vibrant sexuality – an unmistakable chemistry. Even if the fire has calmed over the years, you’ll discover that those happy marriages began with a strong sexual attraction. For one to say that they have a happy fulfilling relationship without heartwarming and enjoyable sex is like saying you enjoy the magic of sunsets without the sun.

Constant infatuations can take a toll on one’s well being. According to Paul Pearsall, author of Sexual Healing the biochemical response to falling in love and out of love without authenticity leads us to produce large amounts of epinephrine which creates chronic autonomic agitation or feelings of restlessness and nervousness resulting in irritability, fatigue and the breakdown of the immune system leading to chronic anxiety and depression. This experience is called love-sickness. Getting hooked on the epinephrine high, seeking the thrill can be found more commonly in teenagers and young adults who face the peer pressures and bombardment of the commercial world.

Re-evaluation and re-education around sexuality is completely necessary for making fundamental changes within our human family. To some this may seem far-fetched but it’s inevitable. For it is the necessary piece that will make a profound impact and shift in reversing the accelerating rate of degeneration, devaluation, disease and pre-mature deaths in our world. And may I add the assaults to our ecological, oceanic, solar and global structures. Renovate sexuality locally, transform globally!

When we create and develop a mindful, loving, and deep personal connection with another while blending sexual attraction our bodies produce the hormone oxytocin – which give feelings of intense closeness, trust and sensual feelings. Paradoxically, oxytocin is the hormone that is secreted when a mother nurses her baby. Pearsall again affirms that “it’s the neurochemical” of intimate connection that also helps balance the immune system.

The body requires a considerable amount of time to settle into a relationship and stop creating the epinephrine high and begin to secrete oxytocin instead - which means that many people have never truly experience the bliss and depths of intense intimacy.

Our feelings, thoughts, hormones, glands, cells; our compassion, gentleness, sensuality and veracity are all strands in our delicate web playing a part in the making of our wholeness and completeness. When we fuse the wisdom and knowledge of our biochemistry with sexual and spiritual wisdom and knowledge we see that when we are in harmony with our sexuality and in harmony with our spirituality (not choosing one over the other) the dawn of bliss arrives. There is no separation. Strong attraction is the first pulse to a wonderful world of enduring love. Our bodies are always pleading with us through the many discomforts and diseases, beseeching us to love well, use our intelligence, access our wisdom and be wise in our choices especially during those fatal and luring moments of attraction!

Visit my online Sensual Lounge at: http://thesexualgriot.typepad.com/
and my Sexual Griot blogspot at: http://sexualgriot.blogspot.com/

Angelique Shofar © 2007-2008. All rights reserved.