Have we always been single mothers? Is it a new concept, a post modern concept, a consequence of enslavement or any other social analysis....? I wonder...When my son arrived on July 20th of last year, though at that time bonded with my husband, delivering him into this universe was a singualry, undescribable experience of both pain and blessing...and when my son cried or stirred for a good month, I insisted on being the one to care to be to go despite exhaustion.
Then I think of this culture in which we live and give to as if "normal." The separation of labor, the emotional investment in the nuclear family, in what we have been taught is the way of being....I wonder..
I never dreamed of being here...going through a divorce...a single, technologically married woman with son...working to pay daycare, even needing daycare, underpaid teacher...but I am here.
Much like my ancestors, women folk who cared not only for theirs but all children...much like my mother, my grandmother, many of mine who raised children with love and principle without support only a community of like energy...
I am thinking that it is not the physical divorce but the divorce of expectation that hurts most...I am thinking that my son chose me to move through and that is why I resisted know better...it is because he knew better than i, closer to our source, our Creator...
So, all that brings me to single motherhood...does it exist at all...or is it a reality of all mothers married or not...a concept more political than real...
shahn
Hi Shahn,I really feel you.
Hi Shahn,
I really feel you. "Have we always been single parents?" Did things start to change when women became liberated and socially and economic equal and in some cases superior to our men? Has ever changing times transformed or men from hard working, providing, protectors to irresponsible family deserters? The single parent home is very unbalanced and unfortunately has been culturally accepted as the norm. I think that because women are naturally the nurtures that we are often left to fend for ourselves and our children. We live in a society that doesn’t seem to hold men accountable for abandoning their family.(It should be considered the worst criminal act ever) I think that single mother home is part of a vicious cycle that will spin out of control until our men take responsibility for their women and children. And yes even some “married” mothers are single mothers as well. We cook, clean, chauffer, mediate, teach, inspire, nurture and I could go on on…. I feel like mothers don’t get the credit they deserve. Sister keep you head up and continue to be the great mother that you are. BTW I really enjoyed your blog it was very relevant to what I am currently experiencing. Peace Sis
Seek Truth~Facilitate Change
~Nyarah~
I feel you Sis
Sis, you touched my heart. I felt the bitter-sweetness of your blog.
I have a place in my heart for single mothers since I am one myself.It's the hardest and most laborious "job" in the world.
Our ancestors and even old school families didn't normally allow single motherhood. Like you mentioned,there was a huge support system. We also had much higher success in our unions and marriages in ancient times which prevented many situations such as single motherhood.
As much as you never dreamed of being where you are now, keep your spirit up. Pull your support system together and protect your rights(legally,mentally, and emotionally).
Join groups with other moms(online and offline)and spend lots of time with positive company. That way it prevents isolation and loneliness.
wow
You gave me a lot to think about. Thank you.
Time is too precious a currency to simply spend or waste; it must be invested.