Spring is a time of new beginnings, and I'm definitely starting to feel that energy. It's amazingly hot outside right now, so much so that my man and I are sleeping on the futon in the living room so we can have all the windows open with somewhat of a breeze coming through. People are outside, and everything is beginning to bloom. I'm having an up and down time lately, mostly because money is tight. It sucks to go to the grocery store and not be able to get that big beautiful bag of grapes, or to say no whenever a friend asks me to dinner. But the amazing thing about having all these things I can't do, is that I take immense pleasure in the little things I am able to do. I'm at home a lot more, which at first used to drive me crazy, but now I love it. I'm painting a lot, and I'm also hand stitching these amazingly crazy wall hangings made out of vintage clothes that no longer fit me. I've been saving them for so long, and now that I've had time to slow down and think, I have a ton of ideas for how to use them.
Since I can't spend money on going out, the time I do spend with my friends is a lot more meaningful. We're not in a loud nightclub or bar where you can't hear the person next to you, we're at somebody's house having tea and really catching up. Last Sunday three of my friends threw a party in celebration of their newly renovated yard. When I arrived at their house I was greeted by an array of folks from all over the world--Brazil, El Salvador, Ethiopia...they had filled the yard with candles and throw pillows and instruments to play. Everyone sat outside and talked, and we played and sang along to Bob Marley on the stereo. Didn't cost me a dime.
What I do save my money for is that which is most special to me: dance class! I go every Saturday, and we are in serious preparation mode for the Carnaval Parade Sunday after next. I'm very excited and energized, and the time before Carnaval is magic because you really get to bond with your fellow dancers while making costumes. Last night a bunch of us met at another dancer's house where me made headdresses and giant pink snakes for our costumes. One woman brought guacamole that was out of this world, and we worked and had a lot of fun.
I'm also reading a very good book called "Osun Across the Waters", which is an interesting compilation of papers by scholars and practicioners on Osun's spiritual and cultural impact on different communities around the world. Being still has given me more time to contemplate spirit, and more space for prayer.
Meanwhile I'm still applying for jobs and waiting to hear back. I'm trying not to let that part stress me out though. I have my moments where I allow myself to be sad or upset, but I make it a point not to stay that way. I go and do something else.
Tonight I'll be going to an outdoor gathering of artists, and this weekend I'll be selling paintings at the annual Malcolm X Jazz Arts festival in a small park near my house.
What I'm learning from this time is how much I was taking for granted. It has gotten me back to what really matters, and taught me to be grateful for each moment. I keep thinking about this one India.Arie lyric, "there's a blessing in every lesson". That really is my truth right now. I'm not just miserable waiting for something to happen. I'm preparing myself, and the Creator is preparing me, and in the meantime I'm learning to stir my own pot. :)