In Ifa we believe that we choose our lives and the experiences and lessons in them. So about 3 years ago after what seemed to be a silly accident I began to lose the use of my left leg. I lost muscle mass to my thigh muscle and experienced pain and numbness, but I continued on with my life, working long hours, raising and home educating my children on my own, being there for everyone else but myself.

Then I started having falls, as my leg became weaker and continued wasting away. I fell down the stairs, at work, getting up from bed, just walking along minding my own business, doing more damage to myself in the process. I was in physiotherapy at the time and the physiotherapist recommended that I use a walking frame. I flat out refused, I was only 39, and having a frame would impact on my life negatively. So I opted to use a walking stick. I kept having to take time off work and eventually had to give work up, and was signed off as medically disabled.

The pain grew worse, unbearable and unresponsive to the most powerful of painkillers, until eventually I was unable to walk as my left leg and often entire side went numb. My world was falling apart. During those dark weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds when I thought that I would end up in a wheelchair and I would despair. Amidst the turmoil, the tears, the fear, the blues, I prayed. I asked myself WHAT ARE THE LESSONS here. I prayed for clarity, for strength, for courage. I had readings, worked with the Orisas, venerated my ancestors, took spiritual baths, performed ebbos.........and I gave thanks for my blessings.

The answers came......in dreams, and flashbulb moments.......
I needed the time to get back on purpose. I needed to embrace the healer that I am. The phrase kept popping into my mind HEALER HEAL THYSELF. But it was the realization and understanding that I had to experience this depth of physical and emotional pain to truly understand the ESSENCE OF JOY that blew me away.

So even though I cannot dance any more my spirit dances inside. My journey continues as I shed on many levels.....physically clearing my surroundings, opening up the old wounds and scars in my heart and mind, letting the healing waters of Osun heal them.
I was guided to YMIB at the beginning of this year, and the inspiration and love here spurred me on. I embraced my creative self, and started writing poetry again, and sewing, painting , singing and listening to music. I learned how to make jewellery, I baked, I travelled, I dressed up in bright clothes and put on makeup. I laughed, and still cried sometimes but I embraced life fully. I truly FLOWED WITH JOY.

I have accepted my physical condition and decided that I will live my life the best that I can, whilst helping others. So I as I begin to wean myself off of a cocktail of painkillers and antidepressants, start physiotherapy again, and I detox......physically, mentally, emotionally I know I still have a long road ahead of me. But it is a road I am travelling knowing that I chose it.

I have seen
Who I can BE
a WOMAN
STRONG
WISE and
FREE.....................

Blessings!!

Dee