ymib.com - Daily Inspiration

your pain...

...runs deep and is completely understandable. And I am so sorry that you have suffered through such an abusive childhood. I know the pain of trying to have close relationship with my own mother and coming up short. This is why I congratulate you on taking the time to acknowledge your wounds as these steps will lead to your healing. The sisters on this page have advised you well. I pray that you continue to create some space in your life (without your mom) to take care of and heal your heart. This is the best gift you can give to yourself and pass on to your child. Bless you!

you are gaining the tools you need to fulfill your destiny

I tried for the entire time that she was in this world to build a better more positive relationship with my mother but...*shrug* as I am fond of saying you cannot fight with destiny...once I begin to practice an Afrikan religion all of the friction and disconnection that we had experienced reached a crescendo that culminated with her trying to take my children from me because I was not Christian! and did not eat meat or straighten my hair!

At this time...I stopped going above and beyond...because I just didn't have the strength to fight any more and I only spoke with and saw her on holidays and family gatherings...in that time span I was able to heal...and sometime during those Years yes Years that I stayed away...I fell before my Ancestral Altar and asked my grandmother to please speak with her daughter because the words she was hurling at me were literally killing me...my grandmother said to me very clearly..."she loves you very much and she is doing the very best that she can, she is giving you her all in the only way she knows how"

Until you make peace with the fact that your mother and father too gave you the very best that they were mentally emotionally and spiritually capable of giving you at the time you will not be able to relax into your own motherhood...I know, I have been there

All of us are suffering from self hatred abuse neglect birth trauma and lack of affection...read Jean Liedloff's Continuum Concept if you want a clear picture of how human's are supposed to be raised and you will begin to understand better the needs that your mother is trying to have met through you and you through her

BUT rest assured sis that this battle with your mother is preparing you for the rest of your life...remember that if it doesn't kill you it only makes you stronger, better, wiser...pray sis, ask for the assistance of the spirit realm...its gone be alright, its gone be better than alright, its gone be glorious...I promise!

http://yeyeyeyeo.blogspot.com

Mothering is an act of revolution!

Although I don't have any children of my own

I know what it feels like to want a better relationship with your mother. I too suffered verbal abuse from my mother growing up. She never praised me no matter how much I sought her approval. God forbid I made the slightest mistake or forgot a small detail, she would call me simple minded and pretty much told me I did not have what it takes to be anything in life. Sometimes, her and my father would team up and berate me in the third person (she this; she that) as if I couldn't hear them from my room. On these days, I would cry myself to sleep. When I was applying for college, she wouldn't give me any of the money for application fees so I borrowed it from my guidance counselor at the time. I seriously thought she hated me because she was incredibly mean to me. There are other incidents, but I think you get the picture.

As an adult, I still struggle with feelings of anxiety when I'm starting a new task, something where I am sure to make a lot of mistakes. In the past, these feelings would cripple me into inaction fearing I would be criticized. I used to have hard time trusting my instincts or just all around believing in myself. The only way I was able to put things in their proper perspective was by going to therapy. You can't make up for what you didn't receive as a child, and you can't count on your mother's approval. You have to find a way to give yourself and your daughter the love, attention, respect, etc. that your mother didn't. Therapy (or any other type of spiritual/meditative approach that suits you) is the only thing I could've done. Take the focus off your mother; she has demons that have nothing to do with you (it all goes back to childhood). I'm not saying you have to cut ties with her, but your personally recovery does not depend on her approval or involvement.

I'm happy to say that I love my mother, and I appreciate her presence in my life now. We relate now as adult women, which is fine with me. There are things about my life that I don't share with her but our relationship works in this capacity. I credit this to going to therapy. Luckily, I was able to find a therapist that suited me (God makes things happen). Anyway, stay strong; you are not alone