Shalom!
Peace and Love Sisters. I hope that these words find you in a place of peace and wellness.
I'm writing today in hopes of receiving some words of wisdom from my sisters. I have struggled for some time now, finding a good, working, healthy balance between everyone and everything that requires my attention.
I am in a very healthy, loving, and growing relationship that is still in it's infancy in terms of time (less than a year). However, we work, live, move, love like we have been together for years. I am a mother of a 9-year-old boy who requires the basic necessities every child needs, but also substantially more. I'm constantly reminding him of what he has to do to get ready for school, to get ready for bed, his chores, his responsibility at school, etc. It seems that I never have enough time to be sure that he's on top of everything. I currently (and have been for the last 10 years) work outside the home, full time, 40hours per week, in corporate amerikkka. This is by no means my long-term plan. I plan to work for myself and I'm giving myself a year to get that up and running full-speed.
Being a wife (in our definition), a mother, and working full-time clearly consumes the bulk of my time. Please keep in mind that I after other household responsibilities and Nation responsibilities, I have very little time for me. Time for me would include working in the kitchen practicing preparing raw meals for my family; studying nutrition and natural health; writing, crocheting, sewing. I have fabric that I haven't even had time to begin to play with :-(.
What I have noticed in the past, and what I continue to suffer from, is finding the balance. If I'm point at home, the family is happy, food is on the table every night, etc, I'm showing up late at work, not driven, and have these white-folk looking at me side-ways. OR - if I'm on point at work (which I feel I haven't been for quite some time), I'm slacking at home... I'm not getting home in time to prepare a decent meal, I haven't spent enough time with my child or my mate.
Now, for the last solid 2 years, I've been "off" at work... I haven't had the drive, I'm probably operating at about 50% capacity because my passion is elsewhere. Obviously, I'd rather work to be "off" than my family, but it is a daily battle with attitudes, and worries that the job that pays the bills could be in jeopardy.
But I digress... because I'm at work operating at 50%! *LOL*
So what do you do? Have you been through this? Have you mastered the balancing act? Are you a Master of your Time? If so, how did you get there?
Any feedback, whatsoever, is appreciated!
All Love and Respect. Todah (thank you) in advance!
Yahfa
Greetings
Mmmm balance? well 4 me listerning or reading ur blog rather screams 2 me high & loud of a sista, doing what she feels she has 2, 2 survive & not what she wants 2. So there is an element of frustration & resentment {been there!} therefore keeping busy is or getting swamped is 1 way of blocking ur desires out. This can B sabotauge & procrastination a fear of actually going 4 what u really want, & a deeper fear of actually pulling it all off! U know who u R right? where u want 2 be right? what sort of a queen, mother & wife u not only R but enjoy being. U have a right 2 choose ur path, u have explored the corporate world, been a recipitant of its benefits, the pay check plus anyother perks if there R any. But u have now grown & developed in 2 a more courageous sista, who no longer is satisfied with her role in the corporate world.
Okay, it may well B choices time, but they can sometimes feel as if they R not choices, because of cash un-certainces. This is a very real situation, but then how will we ever achive anthing, there must be things that we will be challenged 2 give up in order 2 move forward. So after all that long winded argument iv'e given, what i'll ask here is, WHAT R U WILLING 2 CHANGE, GIVE UP, LET GO OF, ADJUST 2, in order 2 move 2 the next level, dosen't have 2 B about leaving ur job right now. But it certainly needs 2 B about u adjusting away from these absolute ways of thinking, u are central 2 all things that u want, so what has 2 give right now, in order 4 u 2 feel that the process of transformation is kicking in? only u can know that? 4 sure though there will certainly B an element of sacrifice involved in this transistion, alike any otjer transistion. There is nothing easy in this, the question is what r u willing 2 do or not do in order 2 have what u feel u deserve?????
What is the key?
As I read the sistahs' responses, a key word came to mind: FREEDOM.
I currently work full time outside the home but only for a few more days as I work in the school shyt-stem and this will be my last year in the classroom. I too, am creating the freedom to balance family, home and self. I am stepping out on faith and trusting and trying the Most High and the Goddess within to realize my long-deferred dreams. I am starting my home business and continuing to homeschool my Princess full-time. Working outside the home full-time and leaving my Princess in the care of others had definitely dimmed our lights and not afforded us the freedom to play, travel, school, work as we wished. Also our health suffered as we both were in close quarters with young children who came to school ill often.
Sistah Yahfa, I am by no means saying to leave your job, but I know that money is not the motivation for my happiness, peace, freedom and contentment. I pray you find the answers and balance you seek.
Peace & Power!
Sis. Nzinga
~I affirm that I am a divine wombman who lives a life of courage, adventure and bliss that most dream of!
I'm a little hesitant to add
I'm a little hesitant to add my 2 cents because I am not a mother or a wife yet. But I thought of a few suggestions. Is there anything in your life that is time-consuming that maybe someone else could do for you? Like cleaning, doing laundry, etc. Or if finances won't allow that, maybe your partner could help out more? Sometimes the burden unfairly falls on the woman. Perhaps he already does help out...
Do you think that your son knows you will always be reminding him of stuff therefore he doesn't try as hard on his own? Maybe there is more to the story.
These are the first things that come to mind. I hope you are able ot find solutions.
You are an inspiration!
I feel the same way you do For 6 years I took care of my mother who's ailing health was draining me. I at the time was finding out more info on healing remedies. Doctors were trying to kill my mother and I was suffering from anxiety issues. I lost inspiration for the things that matter to me. I had to fight everyday to get to the next moment and day. I can actually say I was dealing with depression at that time. I know what it feels to dislike your job. You live in two different worlds. The corporate world is opposite of your spirit (left brain) and because overall the Afrikan race lack strong infrastructures in businesses (i'm still hopeful though) sometimes we have to work in the AmeriKKKa system faking at thier Chistmas parties, halloween, and so forth) ...no offense to sistahs who celebrate these holidays... you get what I'm saying? Its a matrix for sure ..trying to keep our minds on food, clothing and shelter all of time .It can make us display split personalities at the job/home. You seem like a very grounded sistah so I know u have alot of these things in check. However; I digress...
Sometimes I think how do we do it? I recently took part in a full moon ritual and one of the things we asked for was to let go of the "poverty complex" now I'm not implying you have one however; being afraid of losing our jobs has some of that energy in it so with that being said, First don't be so hard on yourself! Breathe in those moments that you feel stressed! Sit in solitude even if it's 10 minutes, take a hyssop bath with candles, Do like our Grandmamas did walk in constant prayer and mediation. Keep your sacred space as peaceful as possible. Have an altar in your home to make time for yourself. We are a work in progress! I have the same issues! I feel overwhelmed sometimes and need a break! I don;t have children yet so I don't have all of the answers on that subject. And with my mate, I have to request a day we can spend together because he works all of the time. Whatever interest both have together get back to that!
Love and Light
At least you at 50%
At least you at 50% *smile
No, I am not a master, if anything I am a returning student. I work full-time outside the home and like you, I've been doing so for the last 10 years or so. Learning to live life, love me, be a mama, and maintain a household has been an experience! I am almost 40 and still learning new ways of balancing people, places, and things out. For me, I had to hit a few bottoms before learning what topped my list of priorities and how to find some balance.
For me, I find balance through routines and patterns. Number one, I journal, I have to because its how I stay focused. When I journal, I'm able to release a whole lot! Secondly, I know I have some mental health issues to work through therefore I attend counseling on the regular and I take medication.
My boys between the ages of 12-14, and to this day, I still have to stay on them about what they need and supposed to do. I make em work tho, I be the manager and they be the subordinates, shoots they old enough to know how to sort/wash clothes, they also know how to clean, and can cook the basics, its just up to me to stay on them and that is not always something I want to do. So, don't think you alone or that it comes easy for me, no ma'am it don't. Its a many days that I fuss at myself for loosing that balance.
Plus the boys are at an age where they prefer the company of dad and their friends. Yeah, they love me but hey, they connect and bond a lot easier and better with other males, so I don't discourage the kids, if anything I'm like: yall ready to go to dads? When the kids are spending time with their dad, I'm able to find time to do things I enjoy.
I do not enjoy my job but I do enjoy the perks of the location. I love the outdoors and my current job enables me to interact directly with nature. When I find myself stressing at the job, I go birdwatch or look for a native species. I aint gonna tell a story, my outspokenness tends to get me in a lot of hot water, so learning to choose my words carefully, is always an on going thang for me to do. I know that if I want to change directions with this job, I can, and soon I will. I believe in prayer and the power of faith.
Hang in there!
I PRAY for the predators that hunt me.
live simply
Pease Sis,
this is idella from sista strong. i am glad you found this wonderful site, which has been a support and source of inspiration to me. i have definitely experienced what you're speaking of, and still do at times. In fact most people, especially women, do. however, i have discovered a little secret thats helped me tremendously: LIVE SIMPLY. by that i mean eliminate EVERYTHING that is not serving you. EVERYTHING!!! nothing is neutral. either it is pushing you forward or holding you back. so examine your thoughts, actions, relationships, friendships, closets, drawers, whatever. clean up and clear up. get rid of clutter, self defeating thoughts (if you have them), anything that is heavy and negative is of no use to you. also i used to think about all the things i had to do in a day as soon as i woke up. how draining!!!! now if I'm cooking, i'm cooking. if im in traffic, that's where i am. i've learned to focus on the task at hand and not let my mind drift and consider the 50 other things to come because it can become a heavy load. we have much to do in a limited time and we want to be clear and focused, prepared mentally and otherwise. there is so much to say about this, as i'm working on mastering it. i would love to speak with you. if time permits call me at 773-617-5130.
peace,
idella
Career Mom
Yahfa, I worked outside the home for many years in the medical field and I was always tired,rushing,rushing ,rushing constantly.Giving time to everything and everyone one but me.But not true quality time.Often feeling like I needed more hours in the day and there wasn't any.I even got to the point where my job consumed me and found myself going in on off days ,staying overtime to the point double-shifts were turning into 17 to 18 hour shifts.Before I knew it I ended up in ER from stress and exhaustion,still all along longing for my true passion.I quit.Just like that I up and quit.I simply said I'm tired ,I'm not happy .I want to have a Career as a Mom not the mainstream "Career Mom".I haven't looked back.When you get tired enough you won't let wonder & worry about how bills will get paid consume you.You'll step out on faith knowing that a way will be made.Something has to give.You have to have time for you. Peace, Indigo
I agree with Indigo I took a
I agree with Indigo I took a job at social services because that was the best paying job I could find once I completed my studies and was there for a little over a year between clients and management burning me on both ends I was depressed and having anxiety/panic attacks while on the job (thought they were asthma attacks) with this in mind dr tried to put me on paxil and I took a few or had to drink every nite to relax myself to go to work another day. Well last Aug I decided to move back home and commute 1hr one way until Jan I couldn't take it anymore and gave them 6 wks. Now that I am home I feel whole and energized so much that I am able to generate money at home through different ventures and I feel so creative that I don't have a care in the world. My girl at the health dept did the same thing gave a 3 wk notice and decided to step out on faith to do what she wanted to do and she isn't stressed about her mortgage or bills. I am traveling and spending money hand over fist and am not stressed because I am truly blessed through the most high and myself. So think and do what you feel is best but when you leave don't look back keep moving forward and you'll be blessed like so many others sisters here.
Peace and Love
Mel