Hey Sistah's, Need a little help.I just received the news yesterday that I will be relocating to Illinois.The bad thing about this is I know nothing about this state and I am expected to research and find a home there.I get only one visit there to actually view my choice of homes before the big move.The Realtor that I will be working with is supposed to contact me today with her list of possible homes,however I don't want my new location to be entirely left in her hands.So,I'm asking if there are any sistah's here who are from Illinois,please lend me a helping hand.Like,which neighborhoods are equally diverse that are somewhat close to Chicago.20-30 min.commute from downtown .There is nothing wrong with a predominately white neighborhood,but I don't want my family to be the tokens ,either.Any help will greatly be appreciated.My comfort level is off the grid here

Greetings Sistahs,

As many of you may know, Hurricane Gustav is brewing in the Carribean just off of the coast of Haiti. As you also know, Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans three years ago this Friday, August 29th in 2005. My family is currently making preparations for an evacuation in case Gustav heads this way. Please keep the citizens of the Gulf Coast in your prayers.

Peace & Love!

Ok I am back and lets see if I go on a tangent lol. Well yesterday I ran into my past again and let me tell u I must say I was happy to see they were alive and well and looking beautiful as ever. I must say that they were not happy to see me and one made sure they expressed it in their own little way. But its cool I am ok with that for now. I was there for my son and handling business. I can say that one of them spoke to my son (I love her!!!!) which I thought was nice and the other glared at me (man I have grown so much) my son saw it, but I turned the other cheek and maintained my being.

I've learned so much this week about order following chaos, the calm after the storm. It's been a week of serious reflection and centering for me. It started one morning as I prepared to leave the house. I was in my room getting ready, and bumping my mix of traditional Afro-Cuban music from my laptop. Suddenly, the music stopped, and both of the Orisa prints that someone had given me from Brazil fell off the wall. These were not framed, so they weren't heavy, just pieces of paper tacked to the wall. The two that fell were Oxossi and Nana. That's when I knew something was way off. I had been feeling a little lost all last week, not really sleeping or eating, stressed out, and my head was all over the place. And when those pictures fell down it let me know I had to make a change, but I was still confused as to what it meant. After I got off the subway, I had a voicemail from one of my sisterfriends, a practicioner of Lucumi. "I had a dream about you last night," she said, "so I just wanted to call and see how you're doing." I told her about the pictures, and she helped me break it down. "Oxossi is the hunter. He's a straight shooter, and never misses his mark.

i am at the tail end of my moontime

 and i'm pleased

towards the end it starts to feel like my ladyparts are suffocating

it's time for me to get on up to wearing some cotton reusable pads

which you can get via

luna pads

pandora pads

or glad rags

i'm also a HUGE fan of sea sponges

they cost alot more if you get them from the health food store or from an alternative menstrual products company...

i usually get mine from an art supply store or...my next ones are coming from wal-mart...i saw a tremendous bag of them there...

i boil the stew out of them when i get em...

and to clean them i soak them in water and peroxide (which will act as a bleaching agent as well)

and the beauty of the sea sponge

is that you can make love with it in...you may have to dig deep to get it out afterwards...but yeah...

I attempted to start an herb garden earlier this spring but its so HOT & HUMID in Georgia that my little herbs plants all wilted away within a week. Only the Basil survived. So I just started them again about two weeks ago and they are thriving now. I have more basil plus parsley, marjoram, chives, oregano, and cilantro. I am excited!!!!

Well so far my experience here in New York has been profoundly beautiful, gut wrenching, and everything in between. I'm getting settled into my spot. I assembled my Oshun altar, and that's a calming presence in my room. This transition has not been easy, so I've been focusing a lot of my energy there. What I know is that I truly love this place. With each passing day, I understand more and more why I was called here. I have some important work to do artistically, mentally, and spiritually. I've spent a good chunk of my adult life looking outside of myself for answers, and looking to others to define who I was. It's time to cultivate my own garden.
But the transition is by no means easy. New York is definitely more expensive, and the competition for jobs is much greater. I apply for things every day, but I panic a little, because I have two months I can sustain myself before I would have to leave. I don't want to do that, because things are very positive for me here, and I'd hate to throw in the towel before I even got started! But I'm determined, so I'm trying to just breathe, pray, and be patient.

maintaining life on one income is weighing me down. it has been for some time now. business is picking up a little and i am so grateful. with school starting next week, i don't think i could add a part-time job to the mix. so, i'm going to keep making things and do my best to promote as much as possible. i always told myself i should just lay a blanket down on a street corner somewhere and sell my stuff that way. i gotta get creative somehow.

anyway, i'm going to take advantage of the full moon energy this weekend and do a ritual. i gotta whole lotta stuff to release.

yoga in the morn in addition to prayer and meditation is keep me sane these days.

"Oh No" Moment - being hit with ugly truth, having light reveal the terrible; moment usually resulting in sadness and the immediate need to take action. Sort of brings the opposite feeling that the "Ah ha" moment produces.

My boyfriend and I decided to have a date last night to sort of celibrate the light after the darkness, the dawn after the darkest moments of the night. So I put on my cute lil turquoise dress that showed off my curves and just enough clevage to remain classy and tasteful, but still sexy for my boo. I put on the cutes jewlery in my collection and put my yarn braids up in a cute hairstyle. I even pulled out my special lotions and perfumes to feel extra feminine.

Hi everybody. I just wanted to pop in to explain why there have been no new posts this week. I decided to take this week off to catch up on some serious organizing and scheduling. With so many things on my wish list of things to do, it is a necessity that I have as much order & creative inspiration possible around me so that I can achieve my goals with a clear mind and with as little stress as possible. So I have devoted this week to making our little abode feel fresh, clean, and pretty as well as to finalize a decent daily schedule for myself, our home, and our little ones homeschooling adventures!

At midnight Saturday night, Sunday morning, I broke my fast. I enjoyed a portobella mushroom burger with swiss cheese, on an onion roll, with lettuce, tomato and onions. It was delicious. I was at bar with some friends, listening to my boyfriend's blue's band perform. Everyone was expecting me to order hot wings or a bacon cheeseburger, but I was afraid of how my body would react to such harsh food, so I opted to ease back into certain foods. Actually, I haven't had a taste for meat yet. I tried to eat a piece of baked chicken and I could only eat about two bites of the drumstick. It just didn't taste all that great to me. The things I missed the most during this fast were breads, dairy foods and sugar. And speaking of sugar, my first taste of sweet, was overwhelmingly sweet! Wow! I tried to eat a piece of pound cake and only ate the corner. It was too much. I really thought that I would go out and feast on all of the things that I had been craving all week but I just don't want it. Its like my cravings are for fruit and veggie now. I went back to the farmer's market yesterday and stocked up. I included bread of course, they have the best at the DeKalb farmer's market bakery!

As my previous post says, I am enduring the Daniel Fast. Today is day 5, and last night was probably the hardest night thus far. I was literally about to go to McDonald's at 11pm to get southern chicken sandwich, fries and a chocolate shake, but I resisted, ate some fruit, spoke with God and went to sleep. This morning I was still feel discouraged, even as I pack my lunch for work. Around 9am, I knew that was I brought to eat was not going to do it for me, so after browsing thought the take-out menus that I keep in my desk, I decided that lunch was going to be either Chinese vegetarian or Jamaican vegetarian. I really wanted to support a black owned business and eat the Jamaican but they didn't open until 11:30 and I only get an hour for lunch starting at 11, so the Chinese won. I had the mixed vegetables and brown rice. It was wonderful and just what I needed to get me over the craving for fast food. Please, outside of doing my job, I had reading some articles about fasting and menstruating. I had heard from several places that a women could shorten/eliminate her periods and lessen her pain and discomfort by simply changing her diet.

There is nothing like the powers of a strong man to compliment the strengths of a strong woman. I am so thankful to the Creator of the Universe for my man and even more thankful for my daughter. These two people are very, very important to me and the energy that they give me makes me want to be the best me that I can be. I have been going through mental transitions. Learning and discovering more and more about my thoughts which eventually become actions. I know that I am a good woman, but sometimes I allow my flesh, my weaker self to lead me into a place that I don't want to be. This place takes my energy, my goodness and suppresses it while my fear and insecurity drives me to a place that is lonely and dark. I am a powerful woman and I am working on releasing myself from myself. Sistahs, I want to be free from my own misconceptions of myself. I want to be free from my own negativity.
I think what hurts me the most is that I know better. When you know better you do better.

Today my friend started off something she was saying with the statement, "I am a writer..."

I've realized that I NEVER refer to myself as such. Yes, I write. I write alot. I fill notebooks with words that I can't say, words I'm afraid to say, words I didn't even know I wanted to say...Writing keeps me sane- yet I've never called myself a writer.

I suppose, maybe in my eyes, a writer writes for others. I write for myself. While I enjoy hearing what others think, I do it for no one but me. Reading and re-reading what I've written provides me with the opportunity to reflect, and to see how much I've grown., and how much I've remained the same.

I think, that next to my ipod & my music collection, my journals may be my greatest possessions, because they are my very own expression of me- something that no one else can replicate, or even try to describe...

I'm back at it again....I'm still not employed. I have been hard at work trying to find a job but I have been encountering a stumbling block. I have now decided that I have to accept the fact that some people belong in my life and some don't. if you have no value but to stop my progression I have no purpose for you....And sadly it doesn't include family...A few sundays ago at church the Pastor was preaching about "Yes People" and how the can run you down the wrong path...But I kept quiet about about what I felt...But what I feel is that "No People " can do more harm than "yes people" if your contanstly coming up against some one saying you can't do anything ...or they're telling you that your thoughts, desires and life is all wrong. You'll end up being resentfully and hatefully. So I have deceided that I'm making a Mid-Year resoultion I have to start cleaning house with the company I keep and I'm starting in my family. I've got to Get Rid of these Yes and No people. You know the saying "Clean around your own front..." I have to remove all negative people.

Long before there were gym memberships and power training DVDs and all manner of space-occupying pieces of equipment, there were shovels, rakes, hoses and hoes. There were wheelbarrows and packets of seeds and buckets filled with water. There was the desire to work one's own land for the nourishment of not only the body but the mind, the spirit, and the soul.

The reasons that I garden are plenty. As a child, I spent countless summers in rural Georgia, with grandparents who lived off of their own five acres of land. With the exception of dairy products, everything that found its way on our plate was something that had first been planted or, in the case of their many chickens, raised on our land. There, beneath pine trees that looked as if they touched the sky, I learned, and never forgot, where food came from. There was no mistaking, as is the case with modern children who almost always shout that food comes from "the store!." I learned that the preparation of food is a creative art, not unlike sewing or painting or writing a song. I learned that to experience a meal is to experience a blessing.

Checking out this website. So far it looks cool. I need a get away form everyday events. A place to chill and share new things. I need to check out the cooking forums here. I would love to vegetarian. Not sure if family would convert. But I need to eat healthier. I am so sick of foods nowadays. I have chickened myself to death. And I am at a lack for good fish recipes. Today for lunch I did Sushi. Love it, love it. Even the wasabi. I need to make my own. I have everything except the rice.

I feel better when I get better. I guess thats like a no brainier.

Supposed to go walking today with next door neighbor & her friends. Actually I hope they flake out I could explore the site more.
We will see.
Not that I don't want to walk, I am dressed and ready to go. A little low on energy today.

I really need so granola. Haven't been doing breakfast. I need to make a trip to farmers market.

thats it for now.
Maybe I can blog more tonight.

I finally did it!! I moved and we r still not quite done, we do have our necessary stuff beds, kitchen items, bathroom items ya no etc etc. Its very peaceful and quite unless me and the children are acting crazy or the music is blasting lol. I can be free to be me in this house, I can be free to continue my journey for the self and make important changes that will covet me for the rest of my time here. Its a 5 bedroom bungalow and we have the upstairs. One room is our bedroom and the other is my creativity room, yoga, meditation, chill haha u name it room, with a half bathroom in the middle. Now downstairs is my step daughters bedroom, the full bathroom, door to the basement in that lil hallway. Through the kitchen there is my sons bedroom. In the living room there is another room that could've been made into a den but we gave it to the children and made it their TV room, library, play room to entertain their guest. We call that room the Chill Room. Its alot of room in this house and the sound proof is great because its an old house u don't even know if someone is home until u come out of one of the rooms and happen to run into one each other.

Hello all beautiful spirits.......I'm a newbie just wanted some sisterly advice about the trials of friendship....ok the situation is that i have a very close best friend since grade school, we have shared exclusively everything in our journeys.....ok let me just cut to the core of it all.....during our whole entire friendship many ups and downs, cycles, reruns...

Well, this weekend I took a much needed break from everything, in the wilderness with me and 3 sisterfriends, what could be better? One of my friends is getting ready to attend school in South Africa for a year (after which she'll be joining me in New York, yay!) and wanted to have a proper send off with her girls. She's from Humboldt County and invited us all up to her family's house for the weekend.
Now I'll be honest, at first I did not want to go. Not because I wasn't thrilled about the idea, but I knew how much packing, bill paying, phone calling needed to be done before August. I just felt like now was not the time. But I also knew I was stressed out, and completely worn out from everything going on lately. So on Friday morning the four of us rented a car (a big white pickup truck, very cheap because of the gas prices) and headed north.

but i don't have a home...

i was a lil incredulous when my pendulum stopped there...

i currently live on the futon at my sister's house...

and i am HAPPY to be there!

though i am deeply looking forward to being more settled in my own space

i've been a gypsy for the last year or so...

and yet ANOTHER opportunity has opened up for me to travel

this time it's to one of my dream places to live...

it's been a distant fantasy for SO so long and as i write this... i'm thinking that perhaps what i really need to do is to concieve what type of space i want to be in and focus my energy on creating that...

i am DEEPLY excited but also quite afraid... so i'm going to have to get out of my own way and move beyond what i think of as possible dabble a lil bit in the realm of the "IMpossible"

initially when i realized that was in this gateway i was like WHAT in the world???

and i thought to myself...but i have SEVERAL "virtual spaces"

So my Mother and I were talking today and fell into a disagreement of sorts. That is not unusual for us...we both tend to be very firm and vocal in our beliefs. At any rate the discussion today was about the "rightness" of having a traditional wedding ceremony along with all the accompanying parties and gatherings after "shacking up" for several years. She feels that after "shacking" one should just go to the JP and tie the knot. More over she claims this is the "right" thing to do. Now you must understand that my parents are ministers so of course they would never condone "shacking". Imagine the turmoil we went through roughly 4 years ago when I made the decision to "shack"!

Last Sunday I visited my grandmother and me being a Hebrew Israelite, I usually don't go to church but this time i did. The pastor used an analogy we all use about being a butterfly. Going from caterpillar to butterfly. The interesting points that he brought to my attention about the phases the caterpillar goes through was the fact that once that caterpillar becomes a butterfly that butterfly can no longer eat what it once ate when it was a caterpillar. Its a new creature now. it looks different, eats differently, is different. So I ask myself, am i truly a butterfly. Have I completely given up my caterpillar ways?

Hope this is helpful~

GROWING HERBS IN CONTAINERS

Many herbs can be grown successfully in containers on a patio, balcony or terrace. There are many reasons why you may want to grow herbs in containers rather than in the garden. First, many of them are small and tend to get lost in a landscape; growing them in containers brings them closer to the viewer. This is especially true of ornamental herbs that have unique qualities that should be viewed up close. Container growing is especially recommended for herbs that need good drainage and tend to rot in overly wet garden soils, or for tender herbs that need to be overwintered indoors. Containers are easily transported and can be arranged in attractive groupings with containers of flowering plants.
Choosing a container. Any container is suitable for growing herbs as long as it has a drainage hole. Clay pots are often preferred because they are more porous than plastic. Other containers that work well include window boxes, strawberry jars, and hanging baskets.

Well, I'm happy to say things are looking up. I've been working hard, and praying a lot. I sold a couple of paintings last week, and got 2 pieces accepted into a show at a gallery in Chicago. Me and the mister are working things out, sharing responsibilities and talking a lot more, talking a lot about the future and even marriage, which is lovely in a mind blowing sort of way.
Prayer has been keeping me centered through my full time temp job and other obligations. Even if I've had a crazy day and I'm half asleep, I'll wake myself up to pray for a few minutes. It's nice to take time out of all my secular commitments to honor a spiritual one, and sometimes it's my only moment to myself!
The move is still happening, as in I am being MOVED. Any time I feel sad or scared or panicked, some little sparkly shred of something drops right in my lap saying, "keep going!" Things are opening up in a beautiful way, and that's what helps me keep the faith. Financially, spiritually, socially...the path is being cleared in a way I can hardly believe. So I'll continue to follow my truth.

Since my post about fear, I have been taking time out each morning and night to pray and give thanks. That alone has helped me be more focused while at work. I find I'm more aware of what's going on around me and don't spend as much time walking around in a haze.


I have also been thinking about my future and goals I would like to set for myself. I know the Creator has a purpose for me, but I'm not quite sure what that is yet. I do know that I don't want to work behind a desk the rest of my life. I love to create with my hands and I also love to share my talents with others. So, I will continue to pray and ask for guidance.


Currently reading: The Goddess Blackwoman by Akil


Take time to enjoy the day.

Ok so after allowing the tears to flow today I realize that I'm depressed. Again. Well thats fun. The problem is that I don't really believe I'm depressed or at least don't want to. I thought I'd gotten over this...gotten better but apparently not. Of course it is that time of the month and I could be overly hormonal but I really feel that my physical state allowed my emotions to come forth. I've been avoiding a conclusion like this for some time now. I recently spoke with a friend who had a breakdown similar to the one I experienced several years ago. It took so much work to go from not wanting to get out of bed or not being able to function because action produced tears to getting up willfully every day to face life. I have no desire to start that work over again, but if this is where I am then I have no choice. And the fact that I am back at this place again further depresses me. A source of pride for me was my resiliency. Once I fell into a hole you could bet I would take a different route next time, but somehow, someway I've fallen into a maze. Is this normal in your mid-twenties or is it just me?

My parents provided me with the time and space to reflect and get my life back on rails. Both of my yuth are in Suriname and I will be alone to think over /sort out /let go all the things that have been causing stress or been draining me financially, emotionally or both. My babies will be back on the 28th of July and I pray that Jehova will guide me in accomplishing all, in order to be the mother my yuth deserve, a Goddess, Empress, true Lioness.

To do:
-Confront my ex.
He needs to make a official choice to whether or not he is planning to take an active role in raising his sons. He also needs to step up to the plate financially, I invested in this man and was the strong force (and financier) behind him finishing his education, getting a good job and making promotion. His belongings are still in my care (I had them stored in a city box) he needs to come and pick those up as well.

- Body Temple

Well I'm here in the house, after taking a much needed day off work. Pandora is providing me with a perfect hot day mix of Zap Mama, Jill Scott, Goapele, India.Arie, windows are open, and I'm feeling like the flowers on my fire escape--half wilted from the heat, just trying to hang on.
I'm writing this not from a sad place, but from a place of observance and wonder. My uncle died thursday, and not just any uncle, Uncle Melvin. He was the one who always had his arms outstretched when we walked in the door, always had a smile, loved a good joke, would stir us family members up in a discussion, only to give a mishcevious smile when he was eventually found out. This was the man whose relationship with my aunt I so admired, I loved to watch them together, cooking and fussing and laughing, a love that had aged like a fine wine. He died peacefully in his sleep, after having lead an amazing life, seeing the world, raising a family, surrounded by wife, children, and grandchildren. I only cry for myself, because I'll miss his presence in this world. But he blessed us all so much.