i was in class and we were talking about the ego. my professor, Tru. said that the term i am feeds the ego. i thought it was weird and ironic because i use that phrase for everything. i even did a drawing based on it. and when she said that, it sunk. see anytime i declare something about my self like i am a vegan, or i am a painter, or i am a writer i feel obligated to the lifestyle that goes along with it. see as a painter i feel like i have to breathe art 24/7. as a vegan i feel like i needa be doin it for animal rights. and i love the animals but not enough for me to give up dairy. i do it for my health.

so when i removed the i am and just said i eat vegan, or i paint, i didn't feel like i needed to live a certain way in order to remain faithful to that part of me, seen?

the ego is a powerful thing and can be so destructive. and once we stop feeding it, i believe that is when true freedom of self from babylonian ways will transpire.

peace and blessings

I've always admired black power groups. I loved the riots, the fights, the passion, the rallies, and the anticipation of improvement they offered to a shaken nation. I used to dream of bombing courthouses and instilling fear into pigs dressed in police uniforms. I thought if I were alive at that time I would be the one to negotiate the peace or start a new black race of intellectuals and reasonable people. I admired Assata, Elaine Brown, Angela Davis, and Kathleen Cleaver; and we all know that with admiration comes envy and I envied them. I wanted to be them. They were heroic markers in time for putting their lives on a line the oppressors tried time and time again to blur. They were fighting racial oppression. But it never occurred to me that they were fighting gender oppression as well. They were some of the lucky who were able to live out their women in those times.

the divine in me salutes the divine in you

i was always taught not to put my business out there, but i write and i think its therapy to say things about myself out loud.

so i just had a miscarriage. i know how it happened, still trying to understand why. i feel guilty in a way and crushed. for so long i thought i couldn't mate, but i had my seed growing without even knowing, and by the time i found out, it was gone. but its a relief, i guess. not that my seed is gone, but that my womb is fertile. Jah knew it wasn’t the right time for me. but what hurts is everyone's disinterest with what happened. maybe its because i found out i was pregnant because of the miscarriage. but no one really wants to talk about it, not even my king. it hurt physically and emotionally. it still hurts. and i feel guilty because had i been more careful it wouldn't have happened.

i wanna believe that the universe is justified in its actions...im trying to. im not blaiming anyone...i just need to talk about it, and no one seems to want to touch on it...