Often I wonder "if " I would jump into moments without fear or self doubt what would it feel like. The chance to mend rights..heal wrongs.. start over from the top and bottom would it make a difference.
LESSONS LESSONS LESSONS. Be that would trip me up at times.

Progress another word I fought to embrace.Pain and suffering were my buddies sometimes I was the two faced friend. I wasn't always loyal, one min I wanted to hang with Divine but Pain and Suffering looked like fun. They would have on bright colors-great teeth-a sparkle in their eyes-laughing the loudest, scene of attraction, people gathered around them, they must know what they are talking about. They had some knowledge too.

Divine was sweet but no sensation (so I thought) she was boring at times. She didn't ask alot of me and wanted to be in my presence. I never had to run after her, she was always available. Very diverse group of people she had around her too. There people were quiet, smelled good, they glowed. The light would out shine Pain and Suffering and they pushed me in the cross fire. Damn that hurt.

I sit I think I sit I embrace....thoughts running back and forth no ends- outs- ups- downs
I'm n the middle. I am in between the between but haven't figured out the puzzle or did I.

I sit I think I sit I reply.... thoughts running how I battle pen to paper and write my inner most in stone. Spelled with the true kiss of death brings my resurrection in between lines... I'm moving through the struggle.

I sit I think I sit I move.... thoughts running faster than me I had to pull them back slow it down - give it a set of rules- give it an ultimatum-make it thirst for a chance of freedom.. It ain't ready...

I sit I think I sit release thought and images pour out my tears- I create new streams- new water parks new oceans quenching millions my pain becomes the true blessing- not afraid to raise the waters- I dive in it. Bringing my weary soul - body back to shore.

I sit I think I sit I count... the days or the blessings the time or the moments the hours or the memories the people or the insanity the wins or loses the opportunities or the times I missed out.

The yr of recuperation.. digesting and multi tasking the faults of myself and others..
I have won.. but have I with the amount of stuff just to erase a small fact.. that I am the cause of such happenings..one says if u no better than u do better but better has to be learned first...there's a thirst ..c ...to be illuminated from this game we call LIFE..

The yr my weary body may seem strong on the outside..my perky wonderfulness and the fullness of my hips... dance like tempting shadows.. on paved walls.. but inside there is a stall... filled with names..numbers.places and things..talking walls..dirty water..with tissue on the floor..people have come and gone..sometimes felt used and then if that loved at all.

The yr these eyes seen some great..unique pieces of work.. have the eyes deceived me to no end.. have my heart been mended back together..glue or tape..and to fall apart again.. what is true.. what is this that we all search for.. can we understand it if it was right in front of our faces or are we so numb..no sense of anything without a big sign.. some glitter.. some noise..some illusion.. some twinkle..some score..

Im am always in a musical mood and I think we should all do this from time to time....share videos...or have a music day where we all post some music.....but today is one of those days i wanted to share some lovely and fun songs with u sistas ENJOY Happy Solstice!!!!

PAINTINGS BY JOYCE BATTLE....JOY RAE COLLECTION:
Spiritual Growth Collection:$35.00 each

Virgo collection:$15.00each

Ladies in Bloom (acrylic) $40.00/ on canvas $50.00

Prints:
Moody Blue Moon: $15.00

LETS C.....I LISTENED TO SOME MUSIC AND ITS STILL QUIET HERE
ON MY WAY TO THE STUDIO SO MY MIND CAN CLEAR BUT IM GOOD BROTHA IM GOOD.
LETS C...... TITS STILL SAG BUTT GOT DIMPLES GROWING AND TRANSFORMING LIFE AINT THAT SIMPLE
BUT IM GOOD BROTHA IM GOOD.
LETS C.... WHAT ELSE......MAKING MOVES BUT A LIL CONFUSED IM AT A CROSSROADS AND I GOT TO CHOOSE BUT IM GOOD BROTHA IM GOOD.
U WANT TO NO WHAT ELSE LETS C.......HAD A FEW BAD APPLES TASTED SOUR BULLSHIT HAIR STILL NAPPY CALLED MANISH WHEN I SPIT AND MAYB A LIL SNAPPY BUT I GOOD BROTHA IM GOOD.
NEVA BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY BUT I WANT TO TRY 10000 THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE AT TIMES I WISH TO BE A BIRD SO I FLY, BUT IM GOOD BROTHA IM GOOD.
IM GOOD BROTHA IM HOOD TOO BUT IM GOOD IM GOOD.

I have been doing some thinking which isnt anything new and i was thinking about my sistas. see i meet many people all the time, have done shows with them, sang with or for them, spent the night over their house and shared some really nice moments with them, ate lunch with them,talked on the phone with them, done some their gigs, smiled at them, nodded, shock hands with them, and hugged them.

I have a testimony so i dont have a problem with sharing some of my life with anybody with a little caution( people love misery or ur drama) but its something about having that circle of friends that u can go too to get away from the unrealistic, wishy washy, jealous,envious people that cant pose as "loving u" for too long.(i respect that though) Alot of people that i ALLOW in my space (I say that with passion cause if i dont want u there u will not be) at times have this very assumption of me in their heads until they get a chance to be in my world and some cant really deal.

LADIES LADIES I HAVE POSTED NEW JEWELS ON MY SITE www.deslacreation.com PRESENTING MY COLLECTIONS!!!
I WILL HAVE COLLECTIONS POSTED SO THAT EACH OF CAN FIND THE EARRINGS OR SETS THAT FIT U AND UR INDIVIDUALISM. I am here to share my love and creativity with u.This is a link to one of my collections!!

http://www.deslascreation.com/apps/webstore/products/show/872922

Friendships, the ones that want it to be "natural", I have used that word many times "natural", let it happen when it happens, when will that happen...? and in the midst of letting "NATURAL" relationships happen what is your expectations and intentions...what are your thoughts in the process of those "natural" friendships happening? I have had folks come into my life and without a word or an explanation of what went wrong they fade out....was that "natural"? or the issues that most of us have with attachment...commitment....responsibility...and that word love, which kills 90 percent of our "natural" relationships. We use the word "free spirit" loosely too like most use the word love. For me I see alot of those words as cop outs, ways to escape what you really want and an way to use those words to replace your true feelings with an excuse. We all are going through something (nothing new and even that saying is getting old) and most of us want to be something we r not or want others to see this image we have fabricated, created out of thin air without just being who we r and letting others decide if they want to relate, befriend or not.

I am divine in every step that i take u cant shake me fool nor could u under mind or even try to define my being..... u dont c yo self
i am divine in every breathe i breathe u didnt recognize that before u read the big print, didnt u know what u were dealing wit?
I am the shit in everything that i touch, to break me.....ummmm not so much to stump my heart and take away my power, my true me, naw see
i am amazing in every word that i speak, each syllable each noun each rhythm in my vocal cords gave u a lil sumthin the rasp in my bass to ur boom and ur pop
I am powerful in every step i take....nothing u do even when u think i didnt see it i am watching with all eyes open... u forgot about my ancestors too
I am so the top dog in the under dog world of my own... i c ur nasty looks..... fake ass smile....really underneath u hate me but its mooore like u hate urself... but its ok i do innerstand it takes alot to admit it.
I am the waves on every shore ..... flooding u yo shit with lots of love and healing cause you r going to need it when there is no more sunshine.

I experienced the most beautiful moment yesterday and today I am happy to be worn out. I am happy to be worn out cause of LIFE, I am happy to be worn out cause I saw new life beginning. I am happy to be worn out I was in the presence of multiple love. I am happy to be worn out because there was cause and a perfect effect. I have tears, but they are made of joy, I heard and saw pain but it felt so good, to be apart of something that marvelous. We take LIFE for granted and that moment was just a reminder for me to pay attention to my LIFE more closely. That experience was just a reminder to climb those mountains and mole hills. Just a reminder to pick up the pieces and heal from the bull^*t. How much pain can one person endure and which pain would u choose to try again? How can u live and be dead on the inside, floating and moving about with no connection to LIFE and all the wonderful tools it has to offer you. I am worn out worn out, been up all night, outside of the house didn't come in til close to six, needed a shower, couldn't think of eating, cramped a little, the sun almost beat me home all because of pain, love, and LIFE of a new baby girl.

Is there ever a moment where u feel u know the truth about something but u still feel confused at the same time. U feel that maybe its karma or maybe its u? U feel maybe to get away from something that is not working for u is being selfish because u know that whole spill about not making the same stupid choices is not as easy as it sounds.U feel that if u r to move on with ur journey that u have a right to what u want. U feel that if u leave or move on that u r being selfish or not being patient enough. U feel that nothing is perfect but is there a perfect for u. U feel like why is there always an opposite in some situations, people, and circumstances but then to remember all the wonderful books u've read that talked the balance that is necessary to the world or how u come into those journeys helping others with finding their internal balance. U feel why can't i blow off steam and vent without sounding like u r complaining,nagging,insecure, ungrateful, and controlling to those that feel they have the "good life" or to those people that live with the thought that the person u r with is doing for u why complain.

CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO PEACE AND BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR THE VIDEO IM IN CALLED "STAND"

TEST TOUCH LEAVE FEEL
TEST HOLD ATTACH WANT
TEST DESIRE DREAM MANIFEST
TEST SHOULD I SHOULD I NOT
TEST DO I DO I NOT
TEST BE WHAT DO WHO
TEST I WANT I NEED
TEST I AM I AM NOT
TEST THE WATERS OR LET THE WELL RUN DRY
TEST I DID IT BUT I AM AFRAID TO DO IT AGAIN

PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL OF MY SISTAS AND FRIENDS, ITS BEEN A MINUTE SINCE I HAVE WRITTEN A BLOG AND SHARED WITH YOU WHAT I HAVE BEEN UP TOO. I CAN SAY THIS THOUGH, I AM IN THE LAB. I AM TAKING THIS MOMENT AGAIN TO TIE UP LOOSE ENDS AND CUT AWAY SOME FRINGES. I HAVE BEEN BUILDING WITH FOLKS ON GREAT IDEAS AND MOVING MOUNTAINS FOR MY CREATION TO BE PLANTED IN ITS SPOT.

I AM HAPPY, BLESSED, LOVED,NEEDED,USED,WANTED,EMBRACED,TRUSTED,FULFILLED,PLACED, AND RESPECTED FOR JUST BEING ME.

LOL I AM REINVENTING THE JEWELRY WEBSITE SOON AND I AM A DRAMA TEACHER TOO SO THAT WEBSITE IS IN THE MIX. MANY MANY WONDERFUL DOORS HAVE OPENED UP FOR ME AND IN THE PROCESS I AM MAKING SURE THAT I STAY HUMBLE, WATCH THE ENERGY THAT I CREATE THAT IMPACTS OTHERS LIVES IN MY SPACE OR PEOPLE TO COME.
LEARNING TO LET THE ENERGY TAKE ME. I HAVE LEARNED NOT TO TRY TO CONTROL EVERYTHING (WINK WINK SHE KNOW WHO I AM TALKING ABOUT LOL) AND LET LIFE BE AS IT IS, JUST MAKE SURE THAT I NO MY PLACE IN IT.

Peace and love to u all its been a min. since my last post and I wanted to share with you all what I have been up to. This is an indie film I am in and we finally got the mini trailer out and on you tube. I am in the beginning of this trailer and crying on the ground. It was great to work with such a professional group of actors and actresses. Brickhead entertainment making great strives and opening the door to many that are so talented and overlooked, great working with them too. Check out this mini and let me know what u think, and be on the look out for the next indie film I am in called Losing Treasure" its a family film. Peace and love "Don't let the economy determine how you support and celebrate the fruits of your labor"DESLA

AND I HAVE SOO BUSY

Peace and Love to all who reads this: Im sittin here right now looking at all the peeps that on my friends list on some other sites and I am so inspired i had to post this here, I dont think that half of them know how they may effect alot of people. We get so wrapped up in our daily lives running and ripping and goin here and there and making names and waves for ourselves that we do not (myself included) stop and say what have I done for someone else today or letting go of ego to say to ourselves what can I look at and be inspired and then send a random message stating that you were inspired. The creativity, to the music, to the photos that take you to another world or show you things about the world that u didn't pay attention to and but in that little pic u finally saw the vortex. Do we even think about the heart and soul that is poured out online to share with masses of people that r afraid to say what the wordsmiths of poetry are not.

PEACE I FINALLY DID IT, I FINALLY CUT MY LOCKS OFF I DIDN'T KNOW WHEN I WAS GOING TO DO IT BUT I DID IT YESTERDAY MORNING. I FEEL REALLY GOOD AND CLEAR HEADED. SOMETIMES YOU CAN HAVE SOMETHING AS LITTLE AS HAIR DISTRACTING YOU FROM WHAT YOUR FOCUS NEEDS TO BE DIRECTLY ON AND YOUR HEART TUGS AND U FEEL LIKE YOU R BEING PULLED IN SO MANY DIRECTIONS. HAIR........ NEVER KNEW THAT EVEN SOMETHING I THINK IS SUCH A BLESSING WHEN USED AS A SYMBOL OF UR INNER LOVE FOR SELF COULD ALLOW SUCH SPIRITS TO CAUSE SUCH A FUSS. I THINK BACK ON WHEN I LOCKED MY HAIR AND WHERE I WAS IN MY TRANSITION. I WAS SO INSECURE AND NEEDY. I WOULD LEAVE MY HOUSE MAKING SURE I HAD ON MY LIP LINER AND MY HAIR WAS AS FINE AS SILK. I HAD A COLOR COMPLEX AND SOME ANGER ISSUES WITH MY SKIN COLOR. I AM LIGHT SKINNED AND SOME THINK THAT I AM SUPPOSE TO BE THE MOST PROUD GIRL IN THE WORLD. NO I HAD NO ONE TELL ME THAT I WAS BEAUTIFUL AND THAT I SHOULD LOVE WHO I WAS, AND DAMN THE MEDIA SELLING OUR SOULS TO VANITY. I WOULD LOOK AT MYSELF AND FIND SO MUCH WRONG BUT THEN HAVE MOMENTS OF WHAT IS SO RIGHT AND ASK WHY CAN'T ANYBODY SEE IT.

@ copyright 2008

Mommy mommy what u do to make ur daugther cry

Mommy mommy what u do to make ur daughter die

Ok I am back and lets see if I go on a tangent lol. Well yesterday I ran into my past again and let me tell u I must say I was happy to see they were alive and well and looking beautiful as ever. I must say that they were not happy to see me and one made sure they expressed it in their own little way. But its cool I am ok with that for now. I was there for my son and handling business. I can say that one of them spoke to my son (I love her!!!!) which I thought was nice and the other glared at me (man I have grown so much) my son saw it, but I turned the other cheek and maintained my being.