Speechless.

I have been at a loss for words since August 1, the day I arrived in Chicago for training at the Butterfly House. Even as I write this, the words engage in a game of hide and seek, falling silent to this overwhelming feeling of a Spirit truly overjoyed. So many thoughts rush my mind when reflecting over this year’s Camp Butterfly experience. So many lessons were learned and revelations revealed that I am surprised I can even balance what has and is taking place. I am left to meditate and ask my Self the following: So this is what acceptance and simply being feels like?

The lyrics to this song watered my earth so much so that I had to share the rain (smile). Continue to press...

Good Thoughts, Bad Thoughts
Lyrics by George Clinton

Travel like a king
Listen to the inner voice
A higher wisdom is at work for you
Conquering the stumbling blocks come easier
When the conqueror is in tune with the infinite
Every ending is a new beginning
Life is an endless unfoldment
Change your mind, and you change your relation to time

You can find the answer
The solution lies within the problem
The answer is in every question
Dig it?
An attitude is all you need to rise and walk away
Inspire yourself
Your life is yours
It fits you like your skin

The oak sleeps in the acorn
The giant sequoia tree sleeps in its tiny seed
The bird waits in the egg
God waits for his unfoldment in man
Fly on, children
Play on

You gravitate to that which you secretly love most
You meet in life the exact reproduction of your own thoughts
There is no chance, coincidence or accident
In a world ruled by law and divine order
You rise as high as your dominant aspiration
You descend to the level of your lowest concept of your self

Don't forget your strength...

These are words that a dear sister friend wrote on a pink sticky note to me before heading back to her then-temporary home in Houston when I first moved to San Antonio. These are words that have constantly repeated in my head and resonated within my Spirit over the nine months since she has written them. Why is it that as women we get so caught up in maintaining the perception that others have of us and in the process, forget our own strength? I asked myself this question only after realizing that for the past nine months, I had stifled and second-guessed myself so much so that I had forgot what it was that made me… Me. And if I didn’t completely forget, I at least aborted it in those moments where I thought it would be better to trust everyone else except for me.

I am coming into a better understanding of this season I am in, and appreciating the journey and many twists presented along the way. I am remembering to remember and in the process, am becoming more confident in my Self completely. I must cease questioning that which I already know or, as a close sister-friend of mine said to, "Don't Forget Your Strength." I am learning more and more how to trust, embrace and accept Self. It may have taken some time but I am grateful. I give thanks to God for the amount of time because obviously, it was what I needed. No regrets here, just an overwhelming calm and peace; and to that I say, "Ase, Amen."

Lately I have been feeling so free and with this lightness, I feel myself wanting to offer up words of thanksgiving and praise non-stop. I feel that I am returning home, not to a physical destination, but to my Self. I can only relate it to seeing a relative after so many years and the amount of joy that emanates from the family upon his/her return. So this is what love feels like... free. This is what communion with the Most High feels like... a permanent returning.

How sweet it is to be in this Space; how sweet it is indeed...

I am experiencing, rather observing, the power of time, quality time, with our youth. I am sitting outside under a blue sky and a settling sun while listening to the sounds. I can feel the wind caressing my face and back, and can hear the birds chirping, children playing and laughing, and see the determination of our youth. Perhaps what has stuck out to me the most is observing one of the neighborhood men teaching some of the neighborhood kids how to play football. Can you imagine the profound effect this time will have on these kids' lives?

I seem to have strayed away from you
even though I never left your side
I can still catch a piece of you
entwined
in the gentle blow of the breeze
One word from you calms
the noise of my mind
And I thank you
for always finding your way
back into my heart
back into my soul
back into my very existence
Through melodies uncomplicated by life
or the possibility of tomorrow
Sing sweetly your words of peace
Shower me with your rays of joy
Baptize me in the pureness of your love
Sweet savior take me away
on a note sung in the key of D
Not flat
nor sharp
just natural
As we make sweet music together

To read more musings, visit me on the Web at www.dlcarpenter.com
D.L. Carpenter, 2007

There is a longing for something more that is stirring within me. There is a heightened urgency to serve and be served that I cannot seem to elude. I am not content, but I am at peace. Even in my serenity and calm, I long for more. There is an unsettling within.

I want to elevate beyond my current standings; I desire to be washed with a new, rather a renewed, inspiration and meaning. I long to walk completely in the divinity within and that is me. I long for so many things. I am being led on a fast track to a destination I know is meant for me to arrive to, even though I have no idea what or where this place is. The only thing that is certain to me is that this place, this space, does exist; and not only in my dreams.

So I'll continue to walk the path and allow Spirit to guide me, trusting that even in the midst, it will all become clearer to me ... someday.

I'm in a very reflective, pensive mood.

9:30 p.m.
the sun's down
a few more customers to go;
it's only a half hour left
before i get to take the punch.
"God I'm tired,"
I say to an almost empty store
Whispering to myself
I wonder how much longer I will have to endure.
But it's no sense in crying
there's work to be done
and these tears,
these tears won't pay the bills.

"OK, she's ready to make that final purchase;
good, cause I'm ready to get home."

As I bend down to pick up the bag that somehow got away from me,
I look up
only to stare into the eyes of the most beautiful person I've ever seen.

"Who is she?"
I ponder
wondering how long she's been standing there
amazed because I don't remember seeing her come in.
"I bet she has it all,"
I say out loud without saying a word.
I can tell by the gentleness of her stare
the soft twinkle in her eye
that she is loved.

But there's a hint of sadness that surfaces from behind those baby, dark brown eyes.
Ironically, we sigh at the exact same time,
"As if she knows how it is to be frustrated."
But there's a familiarity to her.
Somehow I felt as if I would have said something,
we would both tell the same story.

But I couldn't speak.