here is what i wrote. i thought i'd share it further with ya'll. very interesting subject. thanks to QueenJanine for opening the space to share...

i am at work and felt a strong desire to share a little bit of my story.

i've been through the thick with black men. player for a father (r.i.p daddy but you know it's true). cousins, brothers not one can i think of at this moment who is in a nurturing relationship.

in all this, naturally, i've always been attracted to brown skin. native american, afrikan american, latino, island, flavor. just throw some flavor my way, a cute face and a little attitude and that was who i was attracted to throughout my tweens, teen, and twenties. in my early twenties i went through a phase of bad boy addiction. and every man i was involved with intimately, dated, and opened myself to, to receive the hurt they had in store for me, were black and latino men. don't get me wrong a lot of it was age, insecurities, not knowing how to love myself, growing pains if you will and seeking love in all the wrong ways.

Stars,

will be in in NYC for a week (mentioned above) and thought I'd send a quick shout to the illest sistar circle online to see if any of you would be interested in linking with me at any time during the week.

I will be staying by myself in the city all week at a hostel. my week in nyc this time around is really about connecting with old friends, finishing up some school administrative work at FIT, doing some street art with my dear friend Pedro and hopefully meeting up with some of you. Matter fact, we should have a sistar circle dinner! How dope would that be?

Oooh this is too good. I can see it now.......all of us eating together and making connections. Let me know if you're interested ladies and I look forward to meeting you!

Here is my outer info

nik.doodles@gmail.com

holla and I so look forward to it. the weather will be great too i see. yay!

sending light to the circle!

~Nik

I am so in awe of her brave gift of sharing her story with the circle. Below is my response to her blog 'Things Fall Apart'.

Sister girlblue and really to all artists in nyc

first sis,

highest respect and a bow to you for being so brave. not only for staying connected to your truth while on your journey in nyc, but for sharing it here with the circle and for sharing your struggles with those you may have crossed paths with.

what you have given us here is a gift of healing. an exhale of expectation for those who have yet to experience ny as an artist, and for those like myself whom have already experienced living in the city as an artist.

my story is very similar to yours. i was 24 when i arrived in nyc. had been accepted to FIT as a transfer student from school in L.A. (west coast born and raised). my first year was spent in a dorm. the next three i was living in a studio that with both hands raised i could touch both sides of my walls. a studio that was roach and mouse infested. a studio that was unregulated (as most all of nyc housing is, unregulated housing) therefore tenants literally had to fend for themselves.

Hi sisters,

After posting an add looking for a roommate on craigslist, I realize, what I am looking for, is so much more. I thought 'why not reach out into the Circle and see what comes."

Call and Response right?

I'd like to live with someone whom I share similar interests, common goals even and most importantly someone who loves culture, art, music, soul.

Here's the skinny.

I am moving Jan.1st into a beautiful townhouse apartment close to the downtown Portland Oregon area. Currently I am seeking a good, solid sister friend to share this space with and make it homey and welcoming. If you are in the Portland area or know someone who is (family member/friends) please forward my info onto them. Though I posted an add on craigslist, I have faith that the Circle here will work its wonders~

The rent is $500 a month with shared utilities and internet ($250 deposit) and is available January 1st, though I will gladly wait til the beginning of February to find the right roommate.

ABOUT THE APARTMENT.

Peace, Divine Love and Infinite Blessings,

This is actually my first day being a new member of this amazing circle of sisters here at YMIB. I am so excited to be amongst all of you. I can feel the reciprocity amongst you all already. What a beautiful feeling you bring. I hope to continue to share tips, recipes, resources and stories with all of you who are already doing so.

Which brings me to my question ladies. I am in search of a webdesigner. That's right i'm in the market. I'm very open to ideas but I do have a vision of what I'd like my site to look like.

Do any of you have a friend, a collegue or a recommended site that you know of where I can find a great webdesigner? Do they have samples of their work they can share? If so, I would love to check out their work and possibly hook up my site.

You can reach me here or at my email address below

nik.doodles@gmail.com

Many thanks in advance

oneness,

~N